Red Eye Rant

Well, unfortunately this cruddy hole in the wall doesn't have its own website, so I cannot directly point my finger at it as I expose all it's shortcomings. Last night, J and I ended up there as a close to our evening(s) out, and it was a mistake from the start.

We were greeted at the top of the stairs by a couple of scruffy looking, middle-aged bouncers who were checking IDs at the door, which is an unusual site around here as most of the age determination is done by eyeball, as far as I know. Still, against our best judgment we proceeded down the stairs and quickly learned why the guard dogs were at the door as we descended into a sea of lame kiddos who probably should never have made it through had the dudes been doing their jobs. After D was turned away (a first) which threw the bachelor party we bumped in to way off track, we found it a difficult task alone in getting up to the bar, and nearly impossible still to place a drink order due to all the sidestepping, lanky 20-something males with low self-esteem and cigarette breath looking to get lucky in a pond of sad options. After obtaining our dinky beers in plastic cups (niiice), we returned to the patio just in time to see the people who were waiting on us ascending the stairs to depart. As we attempted to follow them, disgusting guard dog #2 put his paws on the top of my cup (yes, where my lips go) and tried to toss it in the trash can, rather than bothering to tell me that we could not take drinks with us, treating me as if I was one of the sloshing losers that littered the patio downstairs, which I was obviously not even close to being one of. However, J and I proceeded to drink our beers together while making conversation about how glad we were to be long past the stage in life where this dumpster with a bar would even approach any type of fun, and remarking on how fortunate we were to have found each other and be happily ever after.

So, the sticky wakeup call may have had a positive ring to it in considering those shared words and hand-in-hand departure from the dumpster with a bar, but that was the one bright spot of the entirely negative experience at The Red Eye Tavern. If you still choose to support this establishment (um, I guess you could call it one) then remember you've been warned, and don't venture too close anytime approaching midnight unless you are underage with low to no standards. The end.